Questions and Life

Where are we? Where are we going? How do we make the past tense into the the future tense? How do we make that which is stagnant evolve? How do we make the changes that we want to happen happen when we have no power and no group that will listen? How do we make things that we can't stand meaningful? I truly wonder... I sit here wanting to find my niche in chicago I am a REFORM JEW and the movement gives me the space to express my Judaism in anyway I want. But my community does not. Last friday (the 1st) I drashed about Choice Through Knowledge or rather Nilmad Nivchar V'Na'ase ( We will Study, we will Choose, and we will Do) at my congragation and I recived alot of praise many people thought I was a Rabbincal student though I must say I'd rather see them take what I said to heart and get no praise than be praised and them brush off what I said as an aww look at the cute smart kid who I thought was a rabbincal student moment. But yet in my speech about tolerance and Nilmad Nivchar V'Na'ase I didn't feel comfortable enough to tell/ show them where my explorations of the topic have led me. I guess that I feel my community will shun me for wearing Tzit-Tzit (I wear them out at all other points when I'm not around a large group of Jews or anywhere near my shul). but back to the story. so after I came home from services on friday night I got an invitation to come to a psudo-independent minyan affilated with a nearby Conservative shul so in spirit of what i had just spoken about I decided to go and try it. so I went and after two and a half hours. This is what I though there was a lot of stuff I wasn't familluler with. The service was a bit long and all melodies were boring but I liked the repitition of the Amidah and the fact that we did the Prayer for the State of Israel in hebrew (we did an english reading instead the night before I thought that was a bit stupid hebrew would have been more apropoe for that). Afterwards was the fun part we had a picnic in Lincoln Park and we ate we talked about the movments ie how the Conservative movement has issues and the how Reform wiill end up Reforming it self sooner rather then later or at least my hopes that it will in some respects. I got to vent about all my issues with the general stagnaity of the Reform Movement as a whole. In short I had some great conversations this thing started ad like one and I stayed till about six ten. So I decided I'd come bcak and try it again. Went back this shabbat and met a guy who knows Scott Leader who was Billy Tiep's songwriting partner(billy was a songleader at kutz in '04) I talked to him and his girlfriend about College in short it was fun.
More later I hope
Becca